These recent turn of events have forced me to really stop and think of all my life decisions. I was not expecting this will be the result - I mean, I guess a part of me at the back of my head (which I have repressed) was thinking that this is within the realm of possibilities. But I never would have guessed that this WILL be the reality in a few weeks.
Talk about a wake up call. Over the past several days, I have been furiously thinking of all my next steps. A big part of me wants to just take a step back, start from a clean slate. And I truly feel that this is what I should be doing. The thing is, I really do not mind starting over. It's just that I got so many bills to pay, a household to support, plus a company loan which I need to pay off that I get worried. Plus, there's that fear of the uncertain: what will happen to me? Can I really afford to start over? What about my Dad? What will the others say?
So now, I'm just going to give up. No, I don't mean not doing anything. Or ending my life, even - I'm too optimistic to even consider that. I'm giving up making my decisions alone. I need Him to guide me. I need to pray, reflect meditate. I need to listen to what He has to say. I have always wondered: how exactly does one do this? What should I do? How do I let go of the reins? I'm still a bit confused with this, to be honest. I probably need to talk to a priest. A really good one.
What I can say is this - this will only make me stronger. So, JC, I leave it all up to You. How do I go about this? I'm a bit scared, yes. But my faith in You is stronger than my fear. Thank You for this opportunity to truly follow Your will.
Let's see... Thinking of the way forward
Got a few more days before I find out my fate in this company. Although, one would suppose it's pretty clear-cut. It's really sad, but that's the cold, hard truth. That is why I waited a couple of weeks before writing this entry. I wouldn't want to write while the emotions are too real, too raw.
I need to plan my next steps. Paying off my loan is on top of my list. Hopefully, this would be addressed. Can't spell out how exactly, but let's just say my slate would be wiped clean if that pushes through.
*Entry was written on March 23, 2012
Sent from my BlackBerry®
I need to plan my next steps. Paying off my loan is on top of my list. Hopefully, this would be addressed. Can't spell out how exactly, but let's just say my slate would be wiped clean if that pushes through.
*Entry was written on March 23, 2012
Sent from my BlackBerry®
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