It's all up to You now, JC

These recent turn of events have forced me to really stop and think of all my life decisions. I was not expecting this will be the result - I mean, I guess a part of me at the back of my head (which I have repressed) was thinking that this is within the realm of possibilities. But I never would have guessed that this WILL be the reality in a few weeks.



Talk about a wake up call. Over the past several days, I have been furiously thinking of all my next steps. A big part of me wants to just take a step back, start from a clean slate. And I truly feel that this is what I should be doing. The thing is, I really do not mind starting over. It's just that I got so many bills to pay, a household to support, plus a company loan which I need to pay off that I get worried. Plus, there's that fear of the uncertain: what will happen to me? Can I really afford to start over? What about my Dad? What will the others say?


So now, I'm just going to give up. No, I don't mean not doing anything. Or ending my life, even - I'm too optimistic to even consider that. I'm giving up making my decisions alone. I need Him to guide me. I need to pray, reflect meditate. I need to listen to what He has to say. I have always wondered: how exactly does one do this? What should I do? How do I let go of the reins? I'm still a bit confused with this, to be honest. I probably need to talk to a priest. A really good one.


What I can say is this - this will only make me stronger. So, JC, I leave it all up to You. How do I go about this? I'm a bit scared, yes. But my faith in You is stronger than my fear. Thank You for this opportunity to truly follow Your will.